Fishing

Goodbye Pre-School

My kids have been attending their pre-school for five years. So that is five years with the same teacher for me. The same person taking care of my kids when I couldn't. I love this woman! She knows everything about my life and my kid's lives. Although I didn't want my kids in pre-school (in fact I would home school them if I could), she has been absolutely wonderful.

Since Ryan has been in "regular" school for two years now, I have come to realize how special their pre-school really is. The elementary teachers in our school district do their jobs well; we live in one of the best school districts in the state. But our school district is incredibly competitive and they teach for the testing. I wont get started on my rant of why I absolutely hate our school district but I will really miss Ms. Leslie.

What kind of a gift do you get someone who has taken care of the most precious beings in your life for 5 years? And how do I not cry and get all weepy because my baby is going into kindergarten?

Onions

I planted my onions back in December along with my garlic. Instead of ordering onion sets from a catalog, I planted the sets my local nursery had stocked - red and yellow onions. They came up beautifully and are one of the prettiest parts of my garden. However, they are not forming bulbs.

I have no idea whether I planted long or short day onions. I do know that long day onions are not a good idea for my zone 8 garden, but they were not marked. So, I may have planted a huge amount of green onions! Which wouldn't do me any good since I hate green onions and really only use onions for cooking. In order for me to eat them they must be completely cooked to the point of disappearing in the food...I know that I am weird. I have all kinds of crazy going on in my head most of the time!

Before and After

I love to go garage saling. I realize as I type this, that "saling" is not actually a word, but that is what we call it in my family. I have also realized that many people do not enjoy this practice of rummaging through other people's stuff. However, I really enjoy taking things and turning them into something else or even just the bargain hunting and bragging rights afterwards! Ok, we have discussed before the fact that I am a little crazy...




I found this desk last weekend. The lighting in the picture makes it look MUCH better than it did in person - it is a really ugly and not well taken care of laminate. Since my office has been turned into a bedroom for my mom, I decided I needed a place for my stuff. Someplace other than my bed where I can put my computer... I also decided it would make a good bed side table for my room. It is a little larger than I would ideally like to have beside my bed, but I love it!

I found some beautiful glass knobs from Anthropologie and (woohoo!) half of them were on clearance. I even painted the insides of the drawers.

Now I just need to find a really cute chair to go with it!

Dinner

I ate my dinner tonight standing up in my kitchen. Very Must Love Dogs-ish. But I have to say that tonight I even surpassed my own patheticness. I ate ice cream for dinner. Out of the carton. Standing up in my kitchen. In my striped pajamas.

I have experienced many changes in my life all at once. Some of them are too painful and private to talk about here, but I feel that sometimes I want to crawl out of my skin. Tonight is one of those nights.


I don't have my boys here. (I always have a hard time on the weekends I don't have my kids.) I don't have any homework. (Weird! I haven't turned my computer on in almost a week!) My back is out, so I have been laying on the floor for the last two days, despite a trip to the chiropractor. My sister's hair started falling out this weekend. And I just terribly hurt someone I deeply care about....


However, I am trying to reach out and make new friends. I called a couple girls and we went to a huge block sale this morning. I came back with some great finds including a screen door for my sister's room, a fabulous mirror, a new (well old) chair for my new desk and a couple of other great things... I'm trying to train myself to focus on the positives!

Graduation

I graduated! We had record breaking heat of 107...but I have my Masters degree...wow!

I don't know really how this happened...but I somehow finished grad school, at least for right now! This really seems sureal to me especially since this took so much for me and my family to get here.

I also have a job! I can't start work until I get my internship lisence which could take anywhere from 1-6 months. This job is so perfect for me and our lives right now, I couldn't have asked for anything better. It is around the corner from my house, it is part time and I get to set my own hours. I can be home for the boys when they get out of school and I can be close for my sister during her chemo. The only downside is that it doesn't have benefits, but it gives me time!

And even the waiting is going to be good for me and my family. I finally get to relax, spend some much needed time with the kids and maybe even get my house cleaned. Since my sister's family moved in while I was trying to finish up my thesis, things are pretty scattered and discombobulated right now, some organization will feel so good!

Glass half-full or half-empty?

I didn’t used to be a glass half-empty person. But recently I have had it pointed out by the two people in my life who know me best. Last night while talking with one of them, I mentioned that I have realized I have become the half-empty person and I didn’t like it. She replied by saying that I wasn’t a glass is half-empty person – no, I didn’t even have a glass and the water was running over the table and on the floor!

I didn’t realize my depression had gotten that bad. I knew I was depressed, but I guess it has gotten to the proportions that there is absolutely no hiding it and it is affecting those around me. I really try to be up around people. I can’t do it for long and then retreat back into my bedroom or backyard, but I thought I was hiding it fairly well. I don’t want to feel like this, but I know from experience that if I just push it down and pretend like everything’s fine – it will get worse. Sometimes life is good; and sometimes it sucks. Unfortunately, life really sucks right now for many reasons and the only way to get over it is to go through it.

There are some great things going on in my life right now too. I am graduating with my Master’s degree in less than two weeks.

I got a job!

Spring has hung around for more than a week, and I can still go outside without passing out from the heat!

My garden is still growing.

My chickens are laying (well two of them). My little chickens all lived to be teenagers. (If anyone has any ideas to keep my hens quiet in the morning, I would appreciate the tips. They baack, every morning around 6, REALLY LOUD. Since they are illegal, I don’t want a neighbor to report me and have to give them up.)

My ex-husband is continuing to pay family support.

I bought a fabulous dress for graduation at my favorite store.

I found a huge wind chime on clearance that is actually chiming!

My boys are beautiful, wonderful and sweet!

I am writing my last paper of graduate school!

Bad Day

Yesterday was a bad day for many reasons...In reality I have been having a lot of bad days lately, but after seveal in row things start to take on gigantic proportions. So after a long day, I am getting ready to take the boys to their dad's for the weekend, I realize that the boys have locked my keys in the car. Not that big a deal really. Just get my extra set...oh wait. Those are in the glovebox after Darrin's kids accidently locked the car with it running...I don't have AAA. I can't afford a locksmith. The dealership can make me a key for $3 that will only open the door. Great!!! That's all I need since I can see my keys...All they need is proof of valid registration. Wait, by law that is IN my car.

"Well, then ma'am, we can't help you."

"How am I suppossed to show you my registration if it is locked in my car, because BY LAW it has it be in there?"

"I don't know."

"Can I talk to your manager?"

"He's left for the night." Of course he has!

"Can I bring in my registration paperwork and proof of insurance?"

"No, it has to be a valid registration."

So, I call the other Honda dealership in town. I get a very nice man who actually understands the absurdity of the situation. He will work with me. I can bring in my registration paperwork, my proof of insurance and my drivers liscense...which is in my car. Okay, how about my passport? That'll work! Except my mom boxed up everything in my office when my sister and her family moved in a couple of weeks ago...and I have no idea where my current passport is...

"Will you be there in the morning?"

"No, but somebody will help you."

I sat on the kitchen floor and cried. Because it is just too much...and the odds of getting someone in the parts department who will understand and be willing to help me tomorrow are not that great.

So, tomorrow morning I am going to borrow my sister's car, drive to the dealership accross town with my registration paperwork, my insurance information, my old passport with my maiden name and a copy of my marriage certificate - because I know where those things are and I really can't afford a locksmith!

~~~~~

Because I am graduating in two weeks, I have to have all of my final papers and work in by Monday. This weekend the boys were supposed to be at their dad's...perfect for me! I can lock myself in my bedroom and type away. When I called him to see if he could pick them up instead of me dropping them off:

"Oh, didn't I tell you that I will be out of town this weekend for a marathon?"

"Nope."

"I'm sorry, I thought we talked about it already."

I plan my life very differently when I am alone. I don't cook. I was planning on having a brownie and a glass of milk for dinner and finish making my edits to my thesis...growing boys need dinner, and a bath, and attention from mommy that I absolutely love to give - it just doesn't get my homework done!

Oh, I also have a job interview tomorrow!!!

Snails

I have tons of snails this year in my front yard. My backyard is patrolled by chickens and they are keeping the snails under control at least in appearances. However, my front yard is a different matter. Last week, Max and I picked a few cupfuls of snails and gave them to the chickens as a nice breakfast. This was after they ate the kids marigolds and my New Mexico Big Jim pepper plants.

I can't walk out to my car in the morning without stepping on at least a few snails. But in all honesty I do go out of my way to step on them. Any that are unlucky enough to be on the pathway get a quick crunch and those that I can quickly pick up, get thrown in the street.

This afternoon it started raining which is strange for this time of year and they decided to come out en masse. The boys took out my two largest Tupperware bowls and between my yard and my neighbors front yard, they completely filled the bowls. And I mean FILLED! I should have taken a picture before they dumped them for the chickens, but I was trying to relax in the bathtub after a very difficult day...


It took them about 20 minutes to collect all of these...gross, hunh?

Things I Want To Do

I have such a sense of accomplishment when I do something with my own hands. Whether it is cooking, baking, sewing, gardening, painting, writing – I love to create. Maybe it is pride that I really, really enjoy saying, “I made that!” I am very fortunate to have grown up with parents who have a lot of skills.

My parents were most likely what we would describe as homesteaders, but would never admit it! My parents grew up in the generation when you learn to do everything. They have a HUGE six car garage, with only two cars and a motorcycle in it. Everything else is tools. So maybe it is more like a shop with parking than a large garage. And when I say tools, I mean TOOLS. He has welding equipment. He has a lathe, table saws, jigsaws, drill press, you name it – I am fairly sure he has it and knows how to use it. The day of my senior prom I cleaned horse stalls, exercised a few horses at my neighbor’s ranch and changed the oil in my car – myself.

My mom is really no different, she just has different tools. She gardens. She cans food – not just the easy stuff like tomatoes and peaches but her brother catches a freezer full of tuna and then they can for a weekend. I grew up opening a jar of tuna instead of a can with a cute label. She sews and quilts. In fact, she quilts for a living. She also teaches other people how to sew and quilt. She raises chickens – not to eat but for the eggs and because they are fun to watch. We have raised chickens, turkeys and rabbits for eating but the plucking was terrible and I still have bad memories…they don’t do that anymore, it’s just too much work. My mom has her own set of tools that she hides from my father so she always knows where her drill and screwdrivers are…the fact that I want gift certificates to Lowe’s for graduation isn’t a surprise to any of my friends or family. It does however make them nervous…

So here is a partial list of things that I want to learn how to do or become more proficient. This is in no way comprehensive, just something that I have been thinking about and will from time to time need to update and expand…

Vinegar
I use vinegar to clean just about everything. And I love to cook with it. I have a really strange love for tangy food. In fact, just writing that sentence is making my sublinguals start watering! I want to try several different kinds including red wine vinegar, champagne vinegar, apple cider and regular old white vinegar. The problem is champagne vinegar is my favorite after balsamic, but there is never any champagne left after I open a bottle…hmmm, maybe that’s a different problem!

Cheese
I’ve made mozzarella and I cannot wait for this summer when my tomatoes are ripe to combine the two! But I would like to expand. I even have an antique cheese press from Spain that my father brought back years ago. We had no idea what it was at the time. He said it looked like something I would like…so now it sits atop my cabinets in my kitchen awaiting the day it is no longer just a decoration but can once again rise to it’s former glory of making cheese. Ok, I know I get a little carried away sometimes!

Weld
I want to learn to weld. My dad has all the equipment and his father taught him and his brothers. I always see these beautiful pieces of metal that I know I could make and not spend hundreds of dollars on. Alas, I don’t have the time or the equipment. I’m graduating soon and my dad has all the equipment…now I just need to find metal that I can work on. Cue evil laugh.

Knit (well)
I can knit. Sort of. I can knit a scarf and have done several as Christmas gifts over the past few years. Purling is a little more difficult and actually making it look like something else, say any stitch is quite beyond me. It’s not that I don’t think I could do it, it is more that the time and the desire haven’t coincided yet. When I had time, I wasn’t interested. This is something that I would like to do this year since I have plenty of yarn and am thinking that I might have plenty of sitting time with my sister during Chemo.

Garden productively
Can/preserve
Paint better pictures
Take better photos

Then there are just things that I do that I wish I had more time for and then there are the things that I am just too depressed or can’t seem to get up off my butt and do even though I enjoy them. But that’s another story…This post is in no way complete! There are so many things that I want to learn and do and create that I might need to start a running list…maybe I’ll create that this week!

What things would you like to learn/learn to do better?

Earth Day

The power went out at my house last night.

I thought it was fairly ironic that it happened on Earth Day! Other than my kids being scared and the fact that I had a large paper due today, it was rather nice. It was so quiet.

I could actually hear the wind chimes in my backyard. I have four different wind chimes and seem to keep buying more because I can never hear them. I don’t know if they are not hung up right, maybe they don’t have enough hanging swing or something…but leave it to me to not hang up a chime in the right way! Anyways, maybe it is just that there is too much ambient noise around my house to hear them. I still had all of the cars passing since my backyard backs up against a very busy and noisy street (somehow didn’t realize this when buying the house). And I did have one neighbor with a very loud generator, but could only hear that when I went into the kitchen.

I could definitely understand how life would be much different without electricity, or even electricity on a limited basis. I am not proposing going without my labor saving devices such as my washing machine, dish washer and vacuum or even my refrigerator as some people going green are doing…however, it forces you to slow down. There was no surfing the internet, no flipping channels, no cleaning the kitchen or doing laundry or really even cleaning my bedroom like I had been intending to do because I couldn’t see more than 2 feet in front of me.

I just had a desire to sit, to relax, to listen to the world. And try to figure out what is wrong with my wind chimes! No electricity is almost like a forced sabbatical – it can restore your senses and relax your body. I’m sure that somehow it is also healthier for you. Probably something to do with the natural rhythms of your body and the earth and sunshine….maybe if I went to bed when the sun went down I wouldn’t have such an awful time trying to drag myself out of bed when the sun comes up!

The only thing that bothers me about the power being out (and I realize it is not 115 degrees yet – not kidding, it gets that hot here) is that the world shuts down. Nothing works. You can’t buy anything because all stores are computerized. The clerks wouldn’t know how much to charge and most likely couldn’t add anything up and most definitely couldn’t make change. But then again, what would they make change with? Most people today don’t carry cash and we couldn’t get cash either since ATMs don’t work. It’s amazing to me how much we depend on something that really isn’t dependable…

Graduating!!!

I have approximately three weeks left of graduate school! Yeah!!!!

You know that it is time to be done when your 7 year old looks at you and cries, “I wish you had never started school!” It’s hard to explain to them that I need to graduate in order to be legal to get paid. We need money to live. I wish we needed less money, but the market tanked and we can’t sell them house like I had planned…so I am trying to explain to them that I have to work more. But here’s the problem – they don’t want me to work more. And I don’t want to work more. So how do I make them feel better about something that I don’t feel good about myself?

Three weeks to graduation!!!

Gardeners Delight

Sweet peas from the farmer's market this morning

I expanded my garden considerably this year due to many reasons, but the most significant one was the urging of Darrin. You see, Darrin made fun of my garden the first year we were dating and honestly because I got so sick in the middle of the summer it didn’t produce all that well. We had a few tomatoes and squash but that was about it. The next year he made fun of me again, but this time helped out. He installed a wonderful drip system and we planted several different varieties of peppers, tomatoes and even a cantaloupe for his son. The cantaloupe didn’t fare too well, but the peppers took off like gangbusters and we ate roasted peppers almost every day until the first frost.

He was hooked.

He started talking about expanding the garden to include more of the side yard, we added more wine barrels and he started looking at every square inch of plantable space. He even planted veggies in his own front yard.

Part of my expansion included things I have never tried before including strawberries, asparagus, blackberries and rasberries. I have always wanted asparagus, but because it’s a long term commitment, I wasn’t sure I wanted to tackle it. But after realizing that I have been in this house for six years and the housing market isn’t likely to turn around any time soon, I’ll be here for awhile.

I spent about 8 hours working on my new asparagus bed. Taking out old plants, digging up the soil, adding compost and shredded leaves. I planted my crowns, watered…and came home to find the boys building a fort on top of my new asparagus bed.

I cried.

I despaired of anything actually growing.

That was a month and a half ago. I kept watering once a week, just in case. This morning I decided that today was going to be the last day I was going to water, since there was no point in just wasting water…I have an asparagus spear! Well, two actually! Little tiny things that don’t look like have much chance of survival, but I have 2 spears!!!

I’m not sure what the chances are for maturity, since after I planted them I read that asparagus doesn’t like hot summers. Well, it is supposed to be 100 degrees this Monday…

Commitment

I never planned on staying in my house. For many reasons my house holds memories that are not very happy. We bought this house because I was 8 months pregnant with my second child, had a 12 month old, and the house we originally had put in an offer had fallen out of escrow. Oh, and we had already sold our house (which I loved). This house became available and had a large back yard so we bought it. My daughter never came home from the hospital. My first piece of mail was her death certificate. Max came home less than a year later, but within a few months we were separated and then divorced. I did a lot of crying in this house.

(When we bought the house in 2003)

I kept it to give the boys some stability after the divorce, but planned on selling this summer after I earned my Master's degree. With the market the way it is, there is no way I could sell and make what I need to even break even. Because I had planned on leaving, everything I did to the house was with my eyes on resale. I landscaped the backyard as therapy.

(This is what the backyard looked liked going into winter, same view)

And I never really committed to my vegetable garden. Until now.

(2003, so many chemicals - not even a trace of a weed)

I have posted many pics over the past couple of months of the tearing up of the side yard and the not so pretty (yet) new vegetable garden. I have also planted asparagus, which is a very long term commitment. I am thinking about fruit trees, and yesterday I bought 2 blackberry and 1 raspberry vines. Commitment is scary. What if I lose the house? What if it doesn't work out? Will it hurt more after I have put in so much time, effort and sweat?

(2006, it was pretty for a while!)

(the picket fence was rotten and took up too much space...)

Mushrooms

I love mushrooms. I have since I was little and I think a large part of my love is from my mom. We would go mushroom hunting every fall/spring. We lived out in the country and she had some hippy friends who taught us to look for horse mushrooms. These are huge! They look like portabellas, but have a milder taste and can be up to three times the size. They also grow in fields rich in horse manure – hence the horse mushroom name. I was really good at mushroom hunting, and every year I can still smell them (or the fungus they grow out of).

After a few years my mom got scared that we might eat a bad mushroom and accidently kill ourselves so we stopped the hunting. But I still crave those mushrooms! Nothing else I have tried quite tastes like it. My mom would slice them, batter them in egg and crushed saltines and then sauté them in butter…mmmmm.

This year I went a little crazy. I ordered asparagus crowns and since I spent more than $25, I had a certificate for $25 free. I ordered the mushroom growing kit, well actually 2 of the mushroom growing kits.

It was really cool. The soil is inoculated; you open the box, wet the medium and let it sit in a cool dark place for a few weeks. (my closet)

I now have mushrooms…and they grow overnight.

This morning I went in my closet to get dressed, looked down and saw my large crop. I knew from the last time I harvested, that if I waited until I got home they would be too old to eat. So this morning my mom made me sautéed mushrooms in bread crumbs for breakfast…mmmm. And I even had a Dr. Pepper to go with it!