Summer Happenings

I haven’t been writing much lately, since we are in the throes of summer around here. I have started working, which is bittersweet…I’m very excited to have a job (and one that I just spent years in school for!), but it takes time away from the punks I call my children. These particular punks require constant supervision if I would like my house to continue to shelter us. A wonderful example is last week when my father was watching them in the pool, they managed to go around to the front of the house, open the gate, get one of the bikes, bring it into the back yard, hoist it into the pool (which is over 4 feet off the ground) and ride the bike in the pool. (They do have amazing creativity and team work!)

We have also been doing everything we can to not die from heat stroke. Right now it is 10 at night and it is 101 degrees outside. It’s starting to cool off from the 110 of earlier. I said chuck it all, and we went to the movies to use their air conditioning! However, the heat is awesome for drying laundry...it dries almost before I get back in the house!

Not only are we having a difficult time with the heat, my garden is sad and pathetic. I would like to blame it all on the heat, but the truth is…my garden has not done well from the very start this year. My third planting of beans has pretty much dried up – and I didn’t get a single bean from any of the plants. I have planted my zucchini, squash and cucumbers four times now and they all keep dying.

I have never had this problem before and I think it is my soil. I brought in many, many truckloads of compost from the city along with straw, horse manure, chicken coop clean outs, shredded paper, shredded leaves, worm castings…and everything is dying in these new beds. I have not picked a single pepper and my plants are barely surviving. Both the peppers and tomatoes have blossom end rot and something (not a tomato horn worm) is eating my tomato plants and marking up my tomatoes (on the good parts, away from the blossom end rot, the little suckers had to damage the edible parts).

The chickens ate my corn seedlings and my melon vines are the same size as when I planted them back in April. Needless to say, I am frustrated. If I had to survive off my garden, we would be starving right now! There is also the issue of hard work. I was really excited to see the fruits of my labors…Thank God for all the Farmer’s Markets around me so I can eat the fruits of other peoples work!

One of the other problems we encounter gardening in this valley is the intense heat. Instead of having one enormously long season from late March to mid November, we have two short seasons separated by a long, dry, HOT summer. The news said something about the next 30 days being over a 100 degrees…and plants just shut down. And really who could blame them, I don’t want to do anything in this heat either!

As much as I am frustrated with my food endeavors at the moment, I know I will keep trying and I am already starting to think of what I can plant this fall…In fact, I just harvested the tiny little seeds from my lettuces yesterday. As part of the seed to seed challenge, I let my lettuces go to seed instead of pulling them out when they bolted...and I now have lettuce to plant in a few months when I can go back outside in daylight hours.

However, I did get 6 eggs today! The teenage chickens are laying these tiny little things…very cute. And I’ve gotten a few of these tiny, paper-thin eggs that you can’t touch. I added some Oyster Shell to their diet so hopefully the shells will get a little harder.

Just to let you know that I am also counting my blessings in the midst of my complaining - We got to see the new Harry Potter movie today, I didn’t cook a single meal for any of the 15 thousand people in my house today, and my punks bring me so much joy it physically hurts to look at them sometimes! Of course, I’m watching them sleep as I type this when they are even more adorable and not getting into trouble! We had an awesome afternoon just the three of us.

Chicken Therapy

Ryan in his new Ninja costume (didn't tell them they were pj's) from Chinatown.

I spent the evening in my backyard watching my chickens. I tried to block out the weeds that need to be pulled, the humongous amount of work that needs to be done and the various kids’ toys, clothes and towels strewn about the backyard. I find sitting and watching my chickens eat bugs and scratch the ground is very soothing.

Tonight I had a difficult time being soothed. I had a meeting with my ex-husband this afternoon to discuss the direction we are going to take with our oldest son. We got his diagnosis last week, and the news wasn’t encouraging. I knew that he was having a lot of problems, but I wasn’t expecting it to be so complicated. As the psychologist said, “he has a long row to hoe…”

Part of this decision is whether or not to put him on meds. I can’t stand the thought and would do anything I could to stop this. Yet, I already have. I have taken him to a holistic doctor and chiropractor. I have completely changed his diet. He isn’t allowed to play video games. He stays outside, runs, plays, builds things and uses his creativity. We have tried behavioral modification…but the bottom line is his brain isn’t functioning the way it supposed too and this is having major ramifications for his self-esteem, confidence and ability to function.

I hurt so much for my son, but there is hope and we are pursuing it. Of course, my ex’s first response was how much was this going to cost which then turned into 45 minutes of him telling me to let my house foreclose, how I needed to get a better job, and that maybe I should only have the boys on the weekend, so I could work more.

I already barely contain it when they go to their dad’s, there is no way I would let them be raised by his nanny…I really don’t understand this man who I was married to, could possibly think that I would EVER let something like that happen. I will work when they are at school, and the nights they are at their dad’s. But I would sell everything I owned and find a room to rent before…

Sometimes life is very complicated and difficult to be soothed. I am trusting that everything will work out. I know it will. I know that sounds like I am trying to convince myself, but after walking through the last 7 years, I know I can face anything. I won’t always like it, and it doesn’t always turn out the way you expected…but, I will thrive where I’m planted – and so will my kids!

San Francisco

I just spent three fabulous days in San Francisco with a good friend of mine. We both just graduated from graduate school and decided to go on a trip instead of giving each other gifts. She had to take some visiting Germans to the SF airport so we decided to just stay up there and enjoy some gorgeous weather and amazing food!

Cooking with Kids

Last night my kids helped me cook dinner. This isn't unusual for our family, and in fact they help me cook a lot.

This dinner was special for me since most of it came out of our garden and they were so excited.

They cut up the tomatoes, the mozzarella and the basil for our tomato salad. Then they put in a little salt, some balsamic vinegar and olive oil. The really fun part was when they were tasting it to decide if it needed anything else and to make sure the proportions were right.

They stood there next to each other discussing whether or not it had enough vinegar or just needed more salt. I was so proud and excited. Maybe this is something that shouldn't get me excited and happy, but they are 5 and 7. They were eating tomatoes and wanted more!

Then I dug up a few potatoes, gently boiled them until tender. Ryan put butter and a little cream and slightly mushed them around. Max tasted to see if they needed some salt.

Library

I love books.

As part of my no consumerism, slower year I'm trying the library. This is huge for me. I love books. Did I mention that I love books?

Books have been my friends for years. They are my constant companions. I travel, I cook, I dream, I learn all through books. Books have the power to transform me into another person, in another life and sometimes a different world.

Given the choice between TV and a book, 99% of the time the book will win out. And in fact, if I do watch TV, I am usually also reading a book at the same time.

I read when I'm lonely, sad, bored, in pain, to relax and even to procrastinate. I can't think of a day when I don't read. I read when I go to bed and sometimes my idea of a perfect day is to be alone with a book. There have been times when the boys are at their dad's that I can stay in bed with a book for most of the day...

I re-read books. I also re-watch movies; and have no problems knowing the plot ahead of time - it is still just as entertaining to me.

I like to own books. A perfect evening for me would be to go to dinner and then a book store. I can stay in there for hours - browsing, looking, reading, coveting.

However, I am seriously trying to cut down on my consumerism. Books are expensive. Yes, they are my constant companions. Yes, when I can't sleep I will go pull a favorite off the shelf and start reading. But how many books can someone own?

When I clean my house, it always involves moving books around. It's not quite so bad this past month since my very large stacks of books for graduate school have been put away. But, there are probably at least three books on my bed, a few on my nightstand, the kitchen counter, the couch, my car, my purse the kitchen table...I have boxes of books in storage (although these came from my ex mother-in-law, and I haven't been able to go through them yet).

My parents are also avid readers. When we go garage saling, my mom always buys lots of books for about 25 cents a piece. She buys the detective books, crime, police stories. I'm an equal opportunity reader. As long as it isn't a romance novel, I'm good to go! My mom and I trade books and most of those either end up in our own garage sales or the used book store. If my dad gives me a book, I know it's good. I don't think I have ever seen him read a book of fiction, and he is probably the smartest person I have ever met!

A friend gave my a gift certificate to Amazon for graduation. While looking online today for several books that I had been wanting, I decided that as part of paring down and not purchasing, I would utilize the library. This is really hard for me. I know that if I find an awesome book that needs to be on my shelf I can always purchase it later, but I really love that instant satisfaction of having a new book and ensconcing myself someplace comfy.

Most of the books I am currently interested in are about sustainability, making a life from scratch, slowing down and enjoying life. Apparently other people that are also interested in these things - also frequent the library! Every book I wanted was already on hold for someone else and in fact I was 6th in line for one of them!

This has made me think about the role of books in my life. I really turn to them for my escape. It has also made me think about why Ryan's difficulty with reading has been so hard for me. I want my children to enjoy reading. I want the world to open up for them. But reading is hell for my oldest. I will do everything I can to help make reading easier for him, but I also have to accept the fact that reading just might not be his thing.

Recently, I have started reading blogs. They have become a good replacement for travel and cook books! I found the following book on one of my favorite blogs that combines living in France with amazing cooking. She has a really good review if your interested here.

By the way, I did decide to use part of my gift certificate for a book:

Eating Alone

I’m reading a book right now titled, Alone in the Kitchen with an Eggplant: Confessions of Cooking for One and Dining Alone. It is a collection of essays from famous and not so famous people on cooking and eating alone.

“Dinner alone is one of life’s little pleasures. Certainly cooking for oneself reveals man at his weirdest. People lie when you ask them what they eat when they are alone. A salad, they tell you. But when you persist, they confess to peanut butter and bacon sandwiches deep fried and eaten with hot sauce, or spaghetti with butter and grape jam.”

This book has me thinking about my own eating habits. This is not hard for me to think about since I love to eat! But I love to eat good food. In fact, I will sometimes pass up a meal of not that great food, because it is almost too much trouble to eat something I don’t really care about.

When I was first divorced and the boys were at their dad’s house, I would order some good take-out food, go home and eat on the couch watching reruns of some stupid show. It was too painful to cook for myself. There were many nights that a few crackers, a granola bar or even graham crackers and a glass of milk were dinner. You see, cooking and feeding others had become a gift of love. It is a way to nourish other people both physically and emotionally.

I have always loved to cook and my mother really encouraged this desire. She baked with me and taught me many techniques and recipes, but the best thing she did for me was to turn me loose in the kitchen (as long as I cleaned up!). She cooked good food, and my parents took me with them when they travelled and always took me to nice restaurants. I had my own food processor before I even moved out of the house and my mom made sure that my kitchen was always stocked with good pots, pans, utensils and of course the necessary ingredients.

It helps that my mom also gardens, cooks, bakes and preserves. I know what homemade bread tastes like and there is no comparison to store bought bread. Shortly after college I was making lunch to take to work and realized that I was using tuna my mom had canned (my uncle had caught), on bread that she had baked and pickles that she had preserved! The only thing bought from the store was the mayo!

I spent many hours in the kitchen with my mom learning to preserve tomatoes, peaches, pears and pickles. We made cheese from fresh goat’s milk and always had a family dinner at 7.

I went to college in Santa Barbara in the early 90’s and found the Farmer’s Market! My roommate was not an adventurous eater, but I started experimenting and cooking even more. A group of friends would get together every Wednesday night at each other’s house and fix some yummy meal. Homemade Chinese food, handmade pasta, grilled salmon – I loved those nights of community and of course amazing food.

In my early 20’s I went to Europe for a month and that changed my eating and cooking habits even more! For the first time in my life I realized that tomatoes tasted good! When I came home my parents and friends were more than willing to try my new found cooking enthusiasm with all things Italian!

I had a fairly crazy marriage that lasted only three years but with three pregnancies and babies thrown in the mix along with being away from family, my cooking became more utilitarian. I found that staying at home I always cook breakfast and lunch, but by dinner time I’m tired, the kids are tired and I really didn’t want to clean the kitchen one more time! Darrin change that. I found that I loved cooking for someone who loved my meals, and as an added bonus he cleaned the kitchen for me when I put the boys to bed!

But now that I’m eating alone again, I have found myself back in the routine of cooking breakfast and lunch for the boys and dinner is hit or miss. I still love to cook and my boys love my food, but something is missing – it’s much harder to convince myself that I’m worth the trouble.

Thank God for leftovers and the freezer! And in all honesty we eat really well. This morning we had pan fried mushroom risotto (leftovers heated in a skillet until the rice gets crunchy on the outside) with a pan-fried, over-easy fresh egg on top. Lunch was homemade chicken tortilla soup and butternut squash soup (strangely good with crisp tortilla chips as well!). Everything was from the freezer and took all of 15 minutes to pull out, heat up and throw a chicken breast into the boiling broth. Even the butternut was pureed and frozen from a previous meal. But last night when the boys were gone, I pulled out left over grilled potatoes with rosemary, some blue cheese dressing and ate them standing in front of the kitchen sink at 9:30 because I hadn’t bothered to eat and I was too hungry to go to bed. Sometimes I pamper myself and cook an extravagant meal all for myself, but it all depends on my mood!

So, here is my question to you. What do you do when you eat alone? Do you enjoy it? Do you barely get through it? Or do you pamper yourself?

Photos

My nephew Andrew came down for dinner tonight and brought his new camera gear. He is absolutely loving photography and took some awesome pictures of the boys and even my sister and me (especially considering we were up all night last night with the mama dog). He is starting his photography business and you can check out some of his other photos here. These are completely unedited, and very candid...

I am 10 years younger than my sister and 13 years younger than my brother. They had their kids when I was in high school, so I never expected to have children close to my siblings' children. Yet, my sister had a boy 10 years after her youngest (she was a little surprised) and I had Ryan a year and a half later; two years after that Max arrived. The boys are close and have been since birth. Janette and I were together at least once a week if not more often. I babysat for her when she went back to school when I was pregnant with Ryan and the grew up with each other. My sister moved in with us a few years ago during her divorce and lived with us for almost two years. Less than a year later they moved back in, due to breast cancer. I'm so glad the boys have each other. Most people assume they are brothers when we are all out together...I can't understand why!

Here's my sister and her youngest...My sister thinks she looks terrible, but I think she is looking amazing. Especially for being in the middle of chemo!

I'm never in front of the camera, so I get nervous, start laughing and then my eyes disappear...

Starwberry Jam

One of the advantages of living in the Central Valley of California, is that we have amazing produce. I have five fruit stands within 2 miles of my house, and I'm sure there are probably more - I just don't drive that way. I picked this up and within one day everything was melting into juice. So, I chopped up all the strawberries and made strawberry jam. It's never to early to start making Christmas presents. Although, I don't think there is any way this jam will make it to Christmas. I have almost finished the runt which is really interferring in my no-wheat diet!

I chopped up 6 pints of strawberries...

added 2 1/2 cups of sugar...

Add cooked until it gelled...put it into pint jars, boiled for 10 minutes in a water bath and was rewarded with the sweet sounds of the lids sucking down as I was leaving the kitchen. I hadn't even cleaned the kitchen, so it was really within a minute of taking them out of the water.





My grandmother used to love caning. Apparantly it was the only thing she liked to do in the house. My mom would tell me as we were caning that her mom said it was the only think she did around the house that lasted more than a day. I never met my grandmother, but I really understand her sentiments!

Purging

Since graduation a few weeks ago, I have been in the slow process of purging my house. It has been spurred on by many different reasons not the least of which since my sister and her kids moved in with me, I have downsized into my bedroom and the kids room. Additionally, three years of graduate school combined with the fact that I hate housework - things tend to pile up on me.

This terrible picture is of my living room, covered in laundry. You see, laundry is the bane of my existence. I do it, but it ends up on a counter top I built on top of my washer and dryer. When we need clothes we sort through the pile. Occasionally, my mother will tackle the pile and fold everything for me. But then, one of the real problems begins of where to put it all? Because not only do I have to sort and fold, but some of the clothes go back to their dad's house. Then there is the inevitable sorting of which clothes are now too small and have to be either given to a friend or packed away for Max when he gets bigger. Then, the worst thing of all are the socks...I wont even go there because it is just too painful...

So, in the middle of all of this mess, I lost steam. I just couldn't face it anymore. Which, I then did something solely for my own sanity. I put away what I had folded and picked up the rest and put back on top of the dryer. Sometimes you have to bite off a piece that you can chew without choking. It will be waiting for me tomorrow. You see, as much as I keep hoping that the laundry fairies will come in the middle of the night and make my house pretty, they never show up...Do they ever show up in your house?

Harvesting

I harvested a few things this past week...Something had gotten in my bed of garlic and onions and pushed everything over. The garlic had turned brown and even though it hadn't grown as big as I would have liked - it needed to come out. Since I was harvesting the garlic, I decided to take out the onions that were in that bed as well. They weren't forming good size bulbs and I really needed the bed to plant my watermelon and butternut squash plants...So here are my onions:

and my very first garlic braid!

My first few yellow tomatoes and of course I usually get two eggs a day. I can't wait for teenagers to start laying...2 eggs a day is no where newar enough for this household who have all become egg snobs.

Although I think the brown one is a double yolk...

Boy's Big Days

The boys have been having some big days lately! This week they learned how to shoot a BB gun and how not to shot themselves, each other or anyone else! I know that a lot of people do not like guns and believe me I understand. I come from a long line of hunters and my dad bought my first gun when I was four. He immediately taught me gun safety and took me hunting with him so I understood that guns kill things.

We ate everything he killed and my poor roommate in college looked at everything I cooked very suspiciously. What I'm trying to say is that I grew up with guns. However, when my husband left - I made sure that his gun went with him. I did not and do not want a gun in my house with my children.

But you see, it appears that I have a Blue Jay nest somewhere near my backyard. I've never really had a problem with Blue Jays until a couple moved in. They don't like anyone or anything in the backyard. They start screeching around 4:30 in the morning. It sounds like an alarm clock and is more than annoying.

I don't trust my kids and it's way too dangerous. I realize that there is a huge gun debate in this country and I really understand both sides of the argument, but this is not the place for me to get into that debate. What I wanted to say, was how excited they were that I finally allowed them to touch their father's BB gun and taught them how to shoot.

They very quickly "ran out" of BBs and the gun had to go away again. I am just not ready for that to be a regular part of our lives.


I also made an arbor thingy for the entrance to my vegetable garden out of concrete reinforcing wire I had left over from the tomato cages. This stuff is HARD to cut! I got out the Dremel, and boy did it go fast. The boys wanted to get in on the cutting...(after all, it was throwing off sparks, making loud noises and was a power tool)



Max ran into the house while Ryan was cutting and came out a few minutes later and announced that he was now protected...


Because I was using leftover material, the arbor is not the strongest structure and I used old tiki torches for support...

We also went to their first baseball game! I tried to explain the basics...but here's the main difference between my kids:


Ryan wanted to know how they built the lights so big and tall...


Max was into the ketchup...

And we had puppies...

Happy Father's Day!

My dad is helping me frost Ryan's snake birthday cake!

Today is Father's Day and I just wanted to say how much I absolutely adore my father! He is amazing and I love him. My dad is someone who always takes care of responsibilities even if it means hardship to himself. His family is always first, which sometimes means he has to work very long hours in order to take care of everyone. He has a huge heart and is a decent, caring, wonderful man. He is incredible moral and has very high standards that I always want to live up to. He is also the most intelligent person I have ever met, he is an inspiration in his very quiet way. Dad, if you are reading this - I love you more!

Today is also the summer solstice, which means it is the first day of summer and the longest day of the year. So, happy summer, enjoy the sunshine and the absolutely beautiful if crazy weather we have been having lately!

Photos of the Day

Egg Casserole

Jenna -

Here is the recipe for the Egg Casserole:

Melt 1 stick of butter in a large casserole dish

Combine:

10 eggs beaten

1 pint of cottage cheese

1 pound of Monterrey Jack (really and cheese you like)

1 pound of cooked meat (I use ham, but any breakfasty meat will do)

1 small can of green chilies

1 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp. salt

1/2 c. flour

Pour mixture into baking dish, cover and let sit in refrigerator overnight. Bake at 350 for 35 minutes. If you have an over like mine that isn't always accurate, might take a few more minutes. It should be slightly, turning golden brown on top and eggs not runny. Let sit for about 10-15 minutes to set up. I have also cut the butter down to half and it turned out fine. You'll understand when you take it out of the oven and realize that your arteries could clog just by looking!

Being a Stay at Home Mom

I get to be a stay at home mom again! I have missed this so very much and am so glad that I get this opportunity this summer. I am no longer in school and my new job hasn't started yet. YIPEEEE!

I am absolutely loving the slower paced lifestyle. I would say that we can sleep in, but the boys don't understand the value of that yet. However, there is no rushing around in the morning trying to make breakfast and get everyone ready to get out the door, already late before we even get in the car. We don't have to even leave the house unless we want to. Yesterday we went to get chicken and cat food at the feed store. It was wonderful! I so look forward to the days that I don't go anywhere!


As much as I love being home, there are a few things that are a problem for me. One is that I cook three meals a day. That is not the problem - I love to cook (for the most part), and I cook really good food. The problem is that the kitchen is a mess at least three times a day. It doesn't matter how many times you do the dishes, they always need to be done again! And as I complain about this, I honestly know that this is not because it's summer, my kitchen always needs cleaning of some sort. After all, I have 7 or more people living in my house, and sometimes more...


The other problem is that it feeds into my isolationist tendencies. I have a difficult time making friends and forcing myself out of the house, or even to call people. I have belonged to a women's Bible Study for mother's of young children for going on five years now. These are women who I respect and admire. We all met and went to the park this morning and it was a lovely time. All the kids had a good time and I really, really enjoy hanging out with these women. But, I constantly feel like I am sticking my foot in my mouth. Well, honestly more like both feet and maybe some chin. Although, I got to hold a baby. It hurt and was so wonderful all at the same time!


It's hard for me to force myself out of my comfort zone, pick up the phone and invite someone over. Or invite myself over to their house. I wasn't the most liked kid growing up, in fact, I was the beat up kid who everyone made fun of...Curling up with a good book is what I have done most of my life! So, I am going to make a huge effort and force myself to make more connections! Just so I am being honest, here are some of my reasons why I don't just pick up the phone:


1. I feel like they don't really like me and are just being polite.


2. My house is always a mess. I am not the world's best housekeeper and think there are way too many more fun things to do and people to be with than have a perfectly kept house. However, I don't like people to see my lack of a clean house...vicious circle because in reality I am a perfectionist and want me house to be perfect.


3. I'm a single mom. I need the company most when I don't have my kids around - but that is usually family time and I feel bad asking to come over when families are having dinner and well - family time.


4. My boys are full-fledged boys. As much as I try to encourage their creativity, imagination and resourcefulness, not everybody appreciates or understands that boys are well, boisterous.


Ok, so here is my list of pathetic excuses and I will be working on them this summer...I will consider this personal growth time and invite someone over while there are still dishes in the sink and not try to frantically wash them before my guests come over!


After the park, I decided to splurge and took the boys to In-n-Out for lunch!

Yes, Ryan is in a Hulk costume. The only surprising thing about that, is that Max is not in costume!