Monday, January 23, 2012


Laying in bed this morning, in that half awake but can’t open my eyes yet place, I was begging for it to be raining. Straining my ears above the noise of the early morning traffic; I could hear the tires splashing on the wet road, but was it still coming down? Beside the fact that we desperately need the rain – I wanted the rain. I wanted the dark sky, the rain coming down. Because, what I wanted this morning was to curl up in my big chair with a fire and a blanket with a good book. I wanted to curl up in my cave.

So, why the desire for the rain? Somehow, I don’t give myself permission for time in my chair unless I have an excuse - a reason that I’m not doing other things. When the sun is shining, I feel guilty just being.

Just being.

That is such a difficult concept for me, and I would guess most Americans. We are a society of doers. We base our worth on what we do and have little respect for those we deem lazy or that do things beneath them. Add to this the fact that I am a bottom line person. “Get to the point.” “Why is this important?” These two things combined, make me a doer. Wrapped up in all of this is this nagging question of what is the point of life? Because if I am just being, then I am not doing something that needs to be done for life to matter. God has expectations of me, and I’m not living up to them.

But, what if there weren’t expectations? What if being was the point of life?

I picked up The Shack the other night and randomly started reading. (I’ve read it several times before, so I didn’t need the whole story.) Towards the end, there is a conversation between the main character, Mack, and God regarding expectations. The author makes a case for turning it from a noun into a verb - from expectations to expectancy. What if God doesn’t have expectations of us, but has expectancy of being with us?

Expectations are the cause of much strife in life and in relationships. We set up expectations and no one can really fulfill them, instead of having expectancy of being with that person. My kids don’t need to do anything for me to love them. I don’t have any expectations of what our time together should look like, or how they should act for me to love them more or be happy with them. I just want to be with them.

Maybe that is what God wants from me.

Maybe it doesn’t matter what I do or don’t do, what I accomplish, what I don’t…he just wants me.

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